


The Yee to my Haw

by Water9826



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Crack, Gay Keith (Voltron), I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Underage Drinking, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?, everone is confused, im so sorry, like really texan, texan keith, the ending of season 7 that we deserve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-07-06 17:33:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15890763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Water9826/pseuds/Water9826
Summary: After the whole fight with Sendak and that weird as heck robot, the team is beyond exhausted.Especially our Cuban Boi and Texan Alien





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is crack
> 
> I’m sorry...
> 
> Also I liked season 7. It had a lot of strong points. I really hope season 8 will explain everything. These writers know how to kill us. Okay bye.  
> Pls don’t attack me

It’s 3 A.M. according to Lance’s clock next to his hospital bed. Like he could sleep anyways. The recent battles had taken a lot out of him.

What took the most was surprisingly the dream with Bob and his stupid Game Show. It really hurt him. Everyone thought that he was the dumb one, they already had it deep in their brains if they still dreamed it, right? Still, they were right. 

He really was useless. Hell, he almost was responsible for his sister’s death because of how weak his bond was with Red. With Keith, Red probably would of saved him in less than a second. 

Lance wondered if Blue would’ve done the same thing. God, how he missed her. She really was there for him whenever he needed someone to rely on. 

Even his own lion abandoned him. 

“Oh well. The goofball and dumb one never had a place in Voltron.” Lance whispered. He got up, ignoring the surge of pain throughout his body and walked around the Garrison. 

After a few minutes, Lance found the bar that was meant for all the Generals and higher ups. Because of all the damage to the Garrison, he only needed to open the door to get in. 

Various alcohols were shown proudly in their strengthened glass case. Tequila, rum, beer, vodka, and so much more lured Lance toward them. With such a big family, he’s been offered a drink every now and then from older relatives. 

“I’ll just have a few beers for now~” He said to himself. With ease, he took out a few beers and opened the first one, chugging it.

”With all time I’ve been in space, I’m probably 21, so I’m fine!” He mumbled. After downing a second beer, he started to feel a bit better. That was until he heard footsteps.

”Lance, why are you awake?” A familiar voice deadpanned. Oh, it was just Keith.

The leader, the mullet, the emo, the one who didn’t even want to be on the same planet as Lance.... Yup that Keith. When the Cuban turned around he only raised an eyebrow.

”I could ask the same question to you. But I won’t.” Lance continued to sip at his third beer, ignoring Keith. He only looked up when he heard him plop down next to him. 

“Good point. Mind if I have one?” Keith’s hair was a mess and his eyes had heavy bags that were identical to his own. Lance wordlessly nodded. 

Keith immediately went for the Vodka and started drinking from the bottle. Not giving a single fuck. 

“Don’t worry I locked the door.” The two boys continued to drink and they both got drunk pretty fast

* * *

 

“G-god, I sure do hate those darn Galra. What ‘bout you, L-lance?” Keith slurred with a thick, Texan accent. For some reason Lance really liked it.

”Yup, I hate th-them! Sooooo dumb! At least they are better than me! And stronger to!” Lance cheerily said, gulping down his fifth shot of tequila.

”Wha’? Nah, gurl, yur’ good. Yah’ really do us good.” Keith suddenly looked serious and held onto Lance’s shoulder.   “Why would y’all think that ‘bout yurself’? I told yah we need yah. Wha’s been happenin’? Yah seem sad..”

”It’s been soooo different without you! Everyone probably hates me! Even Shiro yelled at me or the clone, but still! Also, I died and only Allura knows. Still, she doesn’t ever care! Funny right?” Lance giggled and hiccuped. 

“Wha’? Lance y-yah d-died?!” Keith had tears growing in his eyes and he grabbed Lance’s cheeks and looked at him, dead in the eyes. 

“Lance... yur the Yee to mah Haw!” The Texan wailed and them had a passionate look on his face. 

Suddenly, the two were full on making out. Tears were both rolling down their faces and it tasted like alcohol, but they wouldn’t have it any other way. 

“Keith...mi amor...” Lance gasped against Keith’s tongue, struggling for breath. “We’re drunk. You don’t actually want this.” He eventually pulled away and looked down on the floor. 

“Lance, the moment I realized you were actually the Taylor I’ve been crushing on for years, I’ve wanted to do this.” Keith tilted his face up and smiled. With even more passion, the two deeply, and quite drunkenly kissed. 

They both passed out on top of one another on the floor....

.

.

.

The next morning, the Paladins, Alteans, a tired fiancé, and a Galran Mom walked up to the strangest sight they’ve ever seen so far.

A still drunk but hungover Keith and Lance crying and hugging each other...

They heard various Spanish phrases and Texan lingo to guess that they got hammered last night. When the pair realized they had company, they froze. 

“K-Keith...” Lance was pulling away from the embrace until Keith held onto his face and made him look at him. Out of nowhere, Keith took out an almost empty bottle of Whiskey and each took a massive chug of it. Trying to  ignore everything they’ve gone through and just act like misfit teens, they smiled at each other. 

And at the exact same time the two yelled: 

“YOU’RE THE YEE TO MY HAW!” 

And prompty started crying again, but then they started to heavily makeout.

 

”Wow. It sure does feel good to be home.” Pidge flatly said. 

“How much money do I owe you, Pidge?” Hunk groaned.

“At least we raised a gay son...” Shiro and Adam simultaneously mumbled. 

“Awww, he has his father’s accent!” Krolia cheered. 

“What the Quiznak?” All three Alteans whispered.

 

And they never let Keith and Lance get hammered ever again.

 

The End.

 


	2. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After ten full minutes, the couple finally passed out for good. Everyone sighed in relief, but they now had two unconscious teens to deal with. 
> 
> "What are we going to do now?" Pidge deadpanned. They were completely done with the situation and just wanted to get some breakfast. 
> 
> "We'll handle this." Adam put a hand on Shiro's shoulder and gave him a stern look. The other man smiled and nodded his head. With ease, Shiro slung Lance over his shoulder while Adam carried Keith. Once they had left, the room was silent until Hunk announced he was going to make some food. 
> 
> This is going to be an interesting day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Before I start this off, I want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! This crack blew up! I've never wrote a fic that grew that fast! Anyways, I actually wanted to make a part two of this! Enjoy :D

"Shiro, what are we going to do? I actually have no idea." Adam shrugged and adjusted his hold on Keith. He wasn't as light as he used to be... or little on that matter. His fiance huffed out a laugh.

"Me neither. But when you have to make up plans on the spot for the sake of the universe, you get used to being under pressure." "How so?" "Well, I was the former leader of Voltron for starters. Making up plans and strategies while being attacked by aliens grew to be the norm for me."

"And what are you planning to do now, hm?"

"An intervention of some sort for these two. They've gone through a lot, and I have some things to say to them, especially Lance." Shiro sighed and walked up to the Cuban's hospital room. "I'll wait for him to wake up and you should do the same for Keith. I know he really missed you."

The man gently placed Lance on his bed and took out a blanket and a bucket from a cabinet in the room. Quickly, he put the blanket around Lance and sat down on the bench near the bed. Adam silently watched him with fondness, it had been too long since they really got to spend time together. He almost had forgotten how sweet Shiro was. Especially since his return, Adam thought he would be completely different, but he was the same man he had fallen in love with. Walking up to Shiro, Adam placed a sweet, chaste peck on his lips that was immediately returned. It was uncomfortable from Adam still holding Keith, yet he wouldn't have it any other way.

"I'll see you when these rascals wake up." With that, Adam left the room to put Keith in his own bed.

* * *

 After Shiro and Adam left, everyone had congregated to the Garrison's mini kitchen for the Generals, instructors, etc. and Hunk already made a beeline toward the pantry and took out some flour, water, eggs, and such to make waffles. 

"May one of you explain what has happened? I am quite confused." Romelle tugged at her grey pajama shirt and sheepishly looked at the Garrison students. On her left, Coran nodded with her, looking slightly concerned. 

"Isn't it obvious?! My son has found a partner!" Krolia cooed. She was standing next to Allura. The princess was sitting next to Coran and had her head on his shoulder, looking for some type of comfort. A few ticks passed until Pidge snorted with laughter. 

"Sure, those two idiots are now a thing. I knew Keith wasn't straight the moment I saw him. My Gay Sense is very accurate."

"A gay-" 

"Great time to eat some food! These waffles are ready to eat and you guys better not make them cold with all your talking!" Hunk nervously blurted out to interrupt Romelle and placed a stack of waffles on the round table.

Well, breakfast is good and forgetting how drunk your friends got last night is even better. 

* * *

"God, what happened last night?" Keith's head throbbed and his vision was swimming. 

"I don't know. You tell me." An amused voice muttered. 

"A-Adam? What are you doing here?" The teen slowly sat up in his bed and tried to look at him without passing out again. He couldn't remember anything, yet he felt like yesterday was the best night of his life. Why?

"So you don't recall _anything_?" Adam gently prompted, crossing his legs. With practiced patience, he waited for Keith to show any signs of recollection. 

A few miniutes passed, still nothing. A couple more, and Keith shot up and put a hand over his mouth. His eyes were wide and he seemed to be coiling into himself. 

"Lance...oh my god..." Keith whispered. Faint memories of last night flooded in.

_The drinks.... the confessions...the making out..._

_"_ Easy, easy!" A warm, soft hand rubbed his back and reassuring words where being whispered into his left ear. He buried his face in his hands and quietly cried. It wasn't long until he was in a familiar hug and promptly buried his face into Adam's chest. 

Mixtures of 'what have I done', 'I'm sorry', 'Lance', and more slurred out of Keith's mouth as he continued to sob. During the whole ordeal, Adam hugged the crying boy tightly and hushed him to get him to calm down. It was a familiar practiced he had done when Keith was younger. So many times, Keith would come running to Adam whenever Shiro was sick or hurt. The boy loved Shiro like the brother he never had and it was so evident in all their interactions. Sometimes, Adam would feel like he was making Keith uncomfortable from his own presence, but that was far from the truth. Keith had often buried his head in Adam's chest when he had bad days and needed comfort. He would always choose what he wanted on impulse, yet that made his gestures all the more special to Adam. 

Shaking his head from the thoughts, Adam continued to rock Keith back and forth with quietly shushing him. 

He wondered what Shiro was going through.

* * *

Lance hated himself. 

What was new? He already did. Not only did he wake up feeling like actual death, he saw Takashi Shirogane looking at him with pity. As if he couldn’t be anymore of a disappointment. 

“Are you alright, Lance?” Shiro tried to get the troubled boy’s attention. His robotic arm gently took a hold of Lance’s shoulder, lighting squeezing him.

”I’m fine, Shiro, thanks for asking.”

”Lance, don’t lie to me. You obviously aren’t.”

”Why would you care! You never did before!”

”Of course, I care about you La-“

”No! Stop _lying_ to _me._ You don’t give a shot if I were to die. I bet you’d be happy to have me gone!“

”That’s not true-“

”Well it should be!” The small hospital room grew silent. The red paladin was subtly trembling and his face was contorted, trying to fight back tears.

Lance sighed shakily.“I’m not the red paladin or even the blue paladin I’m supposed to be. That will always be Allura and Keith, not me. And Keith-“

The teen only had seconds to reach for a bucket filled with his nieces and nephews’ toys as he started to hurl. Memories flashed into his mind. It hurt. 

So many things happened last night. And they all involved Keith. How could he be so irresponsible with alcohol?!

”Shiro I-“

”It’s ok. It’s ok. We all know what happened last night. No one is mad or disappointed at you and Keith. Most important, never say that I don’t care about you. You guys are basically my family.” Real tears formed at the corner of Shiro’s eyes. He didn’t even try to wipe them off, instead, he opened his arms as wide as he good.

Lance launched into them and let everything out. Broken screams were muffled in the former leader’s shirt as Lance continued to cry. Too many things have happened to him, and he never really talked about any of it. His feelings of being useless, being homesick, dying from the Galra, etc. Well, he told some of those things to Keith. 

He showed he cared.

’Leave the math to Pidge.’ From the moment he said that, Lance had it engrained in his brain. The mullet-head really did care, and he was very sweet at times.

Lance smiled at the thoughts and continued to hug Shiro.

* * *

 

”God Dammit.”

”Language, Pide!” 

“Sorry, Shiro. It’s just that those lovebirds are so annoying!”

It was true. A few days had passed and Lance and Keith were all lovey-dovey. The Cuban always seemed to have a bright smile on his face, something he hasn’t shown in months. On the other hand, Keith wasn’t as cold as he used to be. For example, he would always insist on holding hands with Lance. Even now, Keith was walking with Lance. They really belonged with each other.

”Pidge is complaining.”

”I know, Lance.”

”You always know.”

”Yup.” Keith pecked Lance’s cheek and ran off, laughing loudly as he did so.

”Stupid Texan.” Lance huffed and went off to chase his now boyfriend in a game of tag. His heart had never felt this much joy.

”Stop crying, Krolia! Lonce (yes Lonce ;D) and Keith aren’t going to die.”

”Damn.”

”Pidge!”

“What?!”

”Lang- You know what never mind.” Shiro slumped. Luckily, Adam walked over and gave him a sweet kiss on his cheek.

”Aww, those two are like Yee-Haw!”

”That’s not how it works Krolia!”

”Shut up Hunk, the alien mother is correct!”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ......Told yah it was crack....
> 
> I’m going to actually make a proper Fic of Voltron but I just needed to do this...
> 
> I’m sorry Voltron Fandom.
> 
> Does anyone want the aftermath of this crack? If so, leave a comment!


End file.
